We parents are good at giving commands to our children. And we should be. After all, God has given us the responsibility, and therefore also the authority, to educate them.

Commands are wonderful! Once they are pronounced they have a way of quickly reestablishing peace in our families.

Phew! And we can go on with whatever we were doing. At least for a while...

Depending on the obedience of our children, they all look pretty under control once the problem is dealt with.

But is it really?

Is it enough to give a command with the sole goal of having them comply?

You see, us parents sometimes make the mistake of focusing too much on the outward behavior of our children and too little on what is happening deep down inside their hearts.

Because it's easier, it's faster, and it's convenient.

Not on the long run. If your child compliantly agrees with you and dutifully obeys, the only thing you have gained is having control over his or her actions.

Which is good, and necessary, but not enough.

You see, compliance looks nice, but it is a very subtle version of rebellion. The child may be acting right, but in his heart he is still disobedient. That is why he will do the same thing over and over again as soon as he can.

We have to deal with their heart. We have to be able to know what their heart attitude is like, and find out what the real motivation for their actions is.

And you will never achieve that by just giving them commands and forcing them to comply.

To see what is really in their heart you have to have their heart first, - and that takes much more time and effort than just barking out a short command.

To win your children's hearts you have to express your love to them. You have to invest time in them and in their interests. You have to show them that their little world is important to you.

That way you will always have close communication with them. And they will respond with true obedience...from their heart.

Having the heart of your children goes together with deeply respecting the unique combination of gifts and talents God created them with, even though their interests might not be what you imagined them to be like when they were little!

Show them that you deeply respect their God-given talents. Teach them how to develop those gifts successfully, and to walk out that wonderful plan God has created them for!