When you are not consistent, you expose your weaknesses and your children learn to manipulate you and play one parent against the other. But, you are only human and it's an arduous task to achieve consistency. And what can you do single-handedly, if the other parent shows no inclination to improve his/her parenting style?

Here are some helpful tips:

In order to remain calm and maintain consistency, you need to have a plan. You know your situations and you should make a plan how to deal with them

Once you have a plan, you will be able to calmly do what you had pre-planned.

Otherwise you will act out of habit, which can be quite detrimental to the purpose and the child. For example, you will lose your temper on one occasion and react differently the next time in a similar situation. This sends confusing signals to the child who doesn't know what exactly to do.

Decide also which battles are worth fighting - and chill out about the others. The rule here is that if you have a rule you MUST enforce it - every time without fail. If you are not prepared to do that, then clearly the rule is not that important, in which case you should drop it.

For example - putting their feet on the sofa. Allowed, or not allowed? It is your choice - but whichever way you decide, stick with it. Don't tell them to get their feet off one day, and then allow it the next.

If you think through all the conflicts that give you the greatest stress, you will probably find that many of them are in these grey areas. You can't keep sitting on the fence. Once you decide which way you way to jump, you will find that much of that stress goes away.

The really difficult part about implementing a plan is getting your partner to participate in it.

No easy answers, of course, since this goes to the core of your relationship as a couple. Are you able to discuss the children calmly and rationally, or are they pawns in some kind of power struggle between you?

You don't even have to agree on everything - as long as you agree to disagree. But even when you disagree, you DO have to back each other up in front of the children. If your partner has said NO you must say NO too; and then discuss it between you privately. If you say NO, you would hope that (s)he would also back you up.

Otherwise the kids will simply go from one parent to the next looking for the answer they want.

Consistency between parents is very essential and can be achieved by planning ahead. You should sit together and jointly plan the strategy by discussing your rules and expectations. The best way to do it is to read a parenting book together. This helps you come to decisions fast because, even if you disagree with each other, the book will provide the final answer. Stick to it!

Some parents find it difficult to agree on even fundamental ways of handling situations. This often stems from different styles and beliefs.

You can only be true to yourself. The same for your partner.

This is the kind of situation children learn to exploit very soon. For instance, if one parent is permissive and the other is authoritarian, the children will quickly work this out to suit their interests.

The wider the gap between you, the more problems this will cause in daily life. Often this results in one parent struggling with the child's behavior, while the other seems to have no problems! In that case, the most logical thing to do is for the parent who is struggling to see what he or she can learn from the other's style (and, yes, usually it will be that they are more consistent!)

If your behavior is not consistent, then the situation can become so bad that one parent will completely destroy the credibility of the other parent. This kind of situation should not be allowed to continue. It is time to think seriously about your relationship and what to do about it. The children will learn to disrespect all types of authority, and you will fall in your own estimation.

Remember, if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got... if you want something to change, YOU will have to do something about it. Don't keep waiting for someone else to change first.